my first entry

So i have allways kept a diary since i was able to write and I like being able to take them out of the shelf and have a look into my past and see what was happening back then in my life.  But i decided that it is time to try something a blog it is now.

I am writing in eglish because i think it is a beautyful language with strong words which can describe things and feelings so well. I am german though, so pardon me if i make mistakes.

I am also a med. student, I just started college so there a some crazy changes happening in my life right now. Unlike most med. students I never felt like " yes I am born to become a doctor". I didn't know what I would want to do for most of my life at the age of 19. You have only lived for 19 years, just found out what kind of person you are ( or not..) and then you are supposed to make a decision that might affect the rest of your life? -scary! to me it often seemed like you can put people into "skill" groups. Like there are the artist and musicans, the sciencetists, the ones with the language skills and the sporty ones. Thats at least how I experienced it in highschool. I never knew to which group i belong ,though i knew for sure that i was not one of the science lovers, i sucked at math,physics and chemestrie ( i liked biology though).I like music( who doesn't?!) i can sing and play guitar ( a little bit) but can't read notes, so now way i could make a professional career out of this, i can draw a little bit-but it isn't good enough. I allways had an A in physical education and i was a swimmer for a long time but my body is an issue zone, so nope no sportscareer either. I had an A in german and english as well, i like to read books in both languages and i obviously like to write and since i spent a year in the U.S i actually thought about studying journalism, PR or communication, but to me those jobs are too uncertain. I am a person who needs to know where i will end up ( if that is even possible) and with those kind of jobs you never now, it might be the big shot or you'll  end up writing for a paper no one reads.So since health class was allways one of my favorite classes I decided to go for medicine. I was afraif that I wouldn't get accepted, since the colleges here have high standarts and kind of expect you to have an A in almost all classes in Highschool. I made it though, not into my Nr. 1 college but my 3rd choice excepted me. Now I have been a med. studend for a month. Meaning 4 hours of physik lectures, 4 hours of chemstry  lectures and 3 hours of biology lectures plus the experiments i have to do once every week ( including the test you have to take- and pass- before )for each subject....i mentioned that i hate science right? The anatomy-, embriology- and psychologie classes remind me though why i decided to do all this. I feel overwhelmed a lot and i often fear to fail but i decided that i am not a quitter- they'll have to let me fail and kick me out, i am not giving up ( at least thats what i am telling myself a lot). It helps knowing that others feel the same way, although i feel like everyone has an easier time calculating than i do.

Well i passed my very first physiks experiment and the test ( i was very afraid of) yesterday which leaves me with the feeling that i can actually make it through the first 2 years of (they say if you made it through those then you'll make it through the rest).Tomorrow is my biology test & experiment- time to study again


6.11.13 12:17

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